Aubrey Playing Games

Bored?

Boredom is a curse for anyone who wants to live forever.

What Can I Say?

We all know the economy is doing horrible. It's kind of scary to think of the caliber of damage that is being done to our country. As an adult, I am more privy and have a better understanding to how things work. The unbelievable ripple that high fuel costs are causing, the devestation of natural disasters ranging from fires, to floods, to earthquakes, to well, you get the idea. It's really not a happy subject and I don't mean to bring anyone down - BUT, what can be done? I suppose every battle can be broken down into a series of small fights. Some fights you win, some you lose, but overall, if you win enough of the small fights, you will win the war.

Somehow the conversation came up about what I really want to do with my life. It came from someone else wanting to make the million dollar mark - at which point, they feel like they have accomplished something. It got me thinking - what would give me a sense of accomplishment. And I came up with the following list (No, I'm not kicking the bucket and this is in no way related to the movie...hopefully):

In a semi-relevant order:

- Be the best husband and father that my mind and body can accomplish
- Have more good days than bad
- Write a book
- Write a song I am proud of ("Art is never complete, only abandoned." I think that was Leonardo who said that - but I could be mistaken)
- Meet my grandchildren
- Become at least bi-lingual
- Know myself better - subjective...I know...

Well - I guess I don't want too much out of life. I could list a million smaller things that I wouldn't mind accomplishing, but I wouldn't miss them if I couldn't get them. One example would be "Find a poem that moves me and memorize it." It would be nice, but I know myself well enough to know I'll forget it.

As I get older, I have started to better understand the limitations that I must live within. Many people say that there is never a limit to what the mind can accomplish, but I know if I think that way, I will never conquer anything. It will be a version of ADD for goals in life.

I know I am a dreamer. I will always want the next 'toy' or the next aspiration with my life. It's the way I have always been and, from what I understand, the way many people in my family have been. I don't mind. It's who I am and now that I understand I am that way, I can work with it.

I have passed the point in my life that I can radically change my existence. I am married, have an amazing child and have settled into a house and career. Yes, it is possible to change all that, but that would be starting from scratch in the few accomplishments I have attained. I consider myself fortunate to have received the gifts that mean most to me in life - Family. I could care less about what job I'm doing, it all means very little - I just do it because it's intellectually challenging and pays the bills. Money means only enough to support my family and my free time hobbies. A house is simply the shell of what makes a home. The most vivid memories I have in my life are not the houses that I lived in, the toys I received at christmas, nor one school being better than the next - it was always the people I surrounded myself with. Nostalgia rings the most around the co-stars of all my memories. I think back to something that happened and my first train of thought is "Who was there with me?" The memories I least recall? Something I did on my own.

Anyways, enough ranting. The economy is bad, we all know. What I guess I'm trying to say is that through all the bad that is happening, I really don't care as long as I have the people around me that I love. The chance is there that I will lose my job and my house and my car and my way of life - but as long as Katie and Aubrey are there beside me, it can never be too bad.

My love in life is them. Everything else is details.

Aubrey - Revisited One More Time

This is the last one - if I had any other entries, they are gone.

Bonjour ma cher et ma petite enfant—

Tu est presque ici maintainent - environs vingt et un jours plus jusqu'à tu nous joigniez en ce monde. Je veux voir à qui tu ressemble, ta mere ou moi. As tu des cheveux blonde? Les yeux bleus? Dormez tous nuit parce que je dois dormir. Je ne peux pas si tu cri tous nuit! Tu comprends?

Ecoutez-moi, s’il vous plait.

Tu est ma trésor favori dans ma vie. Je ne peux pas attendre à voire ta sourire nouveau et petites orteils et mains. Je veux tenir toi dans mes bras et sentir la chaleur de t'amour rayonnant dans ta peau.

Je t'aime déjà!

Amour--

Papa

Aubrey - Revisited Again

Second Letter:

Dear Nearly Here—

The calendar says ~27 days. We are now in the year you will be born – 2008. On New Year’s Eve you danced inside your mother at midnight as if you could feel the excitement. Your mommy and daddy have had a lot of success in 2007 but for some reason, it all pales in comparison to what 2008 will bring.

Your nursery is pretty much finished. The yellow-green walls with maroon accents will be very fitting for you. Your dressers and closet have been stocked full of clothes, books, diapers, bottles, and baskets. You will not remember the welcome mat we have laid out for you – but, if for some day you read this letter someday, know that love has been put into every aspect of your coming to life and coming home.

Mommy and I put our best guess of when you’ll be born on the little white board in the kitchen. We guessed at your height and weight too. She thinks you’ll be born on the 22nd and weigh 7 pounds 12 ounces and be 19 inches. I think you’ll be born on the 25th and weight 6 pounds 7 ounces and measure up to 18 inches. Don’t let me down – I have a lot riding on this!

I’m working on another lullaby for you. I wish I had a piano to play for you. I wrote your first lullaby shortly after I heard you were on the way. Here are the words:

“Baby’s First Lullaby” by Daddy
This is baby’s first lullaby
A simple tune for little you
Quiet baby, no need to cry
I’ll always be right beside you

Let’s pretend those notes you’re crying
Are your first song
The first of many you’ll sing with daddy
So sing along—
La la la la, la la la la.

This is baby’s first lullaby
A simple tune for little you
Quiet baby, no need to cry
I’ll always be right beside you

It’s too early to know you darling
And all the gifts you’ll bring
Crying only builds your voices power
To help me sing

This is baby’s first lullaby
A simple tune for little you
Quiet baby, no need to cry
I’ll always be right beside you

La la la la, la la la la….

It’s capo on the second fret and played with C – which is actually a D – but I’ll teach you all that someday down the road – first let’s conquer that alphabet!

Well my dear – see you soon (like on the 25th where you’ll be 6 pounds 7 ounces and 18 inches!).

Daddy

Aubrey - Revisited

When I took my blog down, I didn't hear the end of it. That being said, I will slowly repost some of the stuff that I have saved -- which isn't all that much.

Dear Unborn Beauty—

We’re ~33 days from your debut.

Everyone says you’re going to change my life. You will. I will know love like I’ve never imagined. You will test me in ways that seem unbearable. You will be a challenge. To me, you will the point in the universe in which everything revolves. I will abandon some of my dreams to nourish yours – and I’m okay with that. I can’t say what the future holds, but I do know that you hold the future.

I touch your mother’s belly and imagine the shape of you, curled up and resting in the most comfortable place you’ll ever be. Life will be hard once you’re free of your mother’s protective womb. We will do our best, for sure, to keep you safe – but you have to be tough and grow strong.

There are so many things I wish for you. Your daddy has ambition that eludes the fetters of realism and I can’t help but hope you get that from me. I want you to want the world for yourself. Dream big and do more than chase those dreams – get them. Make mistakes, learn from them and be the best at everything. Keep your mind open and always ask questions. Questions are sometimes the most direct way to learn something. If you ask a question and no one knows the answer, look it up and do your best to remember it.

Play music. Find beauty in the cadence of melodies and cry when the music moves you. Love music and you will lose yourself in it. The ride it will take you on will be unique from anything else you ever do. No one can experience it the same way as you will and I can’t emphasize enough that you will find yourself through it.

Be active. Climb, play, be competitive, always want more, find creative ways to never be bored. Test your strengths in athletics and learn the lessons the game can teach you. If it’s gymnastics, learn balance, self control and motivation. If it’s soccer, learn finesse, power, and test the strength of your heart. If it’s dance, be graceful and beautiful. Whichever path you choose, strive for success.

Be creative. Draw, paint, entertain your imagination in ways unique to your world. Be silly and draw the eyes of everyone in the room. Smile and the world smiles with you. Your creative mind is unique.

Get your common sense from you mother. I’m no genius – learn from her. She loves you more than life. You should see the way she holds you through her belly. The uncountable hours she spent trying to find the best way to hold you when you’re not feeling well. She wants you to be healthy and strong.

My dear – we have a long road ahead and I’ll hold your hand the whole way.

Love – daddy.

Man Stands

Man
stands
on a
rock
in
turbid
fog

Lost

the
muddy
vapor
coats
his
skin;

leaks
into
his
ears
and
nose;

They
lead
his
mind
to lead
his feet

Astray